


Better Than Nothing

by fiendishkitty



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 08:41:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1976412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiendishkitty/pseuds/fiendishkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared explains his thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Than Nothing

Ok. I know that jerking off to thoughts and fantasies of your best friend slash co-star is not the most brilliant idea ever. I mean, I gotta look the guy in the face every day. Gotta act like I’m not staining my sheets like a fourteen year old with his first dirty magazine every morning after dreams of lush lips and grass green eyes and freckles.

Those damn freckles. Sometimes I think about stripping him down, laying him out and tracing the maze of those light brown dots with my fingertips. With my mouth. Mapping out patterns in them with chocolate syrup and then erasing those patterns with my tongue so that no one else can ever find the treasure I’ve discovered on his skin.

I wasn’t expecting to feel this way about him. I knew who he was, what he looked like, before I met him. Jensen Ackles. Up coming darling of the WB. Dawson’s Creek. Smallville. Dark Angel before that. And, yeah, I’m not gonna lie. I jacked it a few times to him while watching Smallville. Thank god for DVR. 

But this… This is more than just jacking off to the image of a pretty face. This is a need, a want, that I feel burn through me at every touch or smile or gesture. This is deep seated and hungry. This is an ache that won’t ease. This is maybe borderline obsession. Maybe borderline love.

I want to tell him. I know he’s attracted to guys. It was one of those things mentioned while bonding over beers and nachos. 

You like pussy?

Dude, of course I like pussy. But, uh, I also like dick.

Yeah? Same here.

Oh. Cool. Want another beer?

Done. So, my fear is less about guys in general and more about me in specific. I can’t risk ruining the amazing thing we already have. Even if I think that us together would be ten thousand times more amazing. 

Even you have to agree that it would.

So for now, I’ll content myself with normal guy rough housing. With jokes and smiles. With climbing him like he’s a tree made from sex and I’m a horny koala at every photo op. With sighs and grunts and moans in the dark of my bedroom in the middle of the night. With camaraderie and the best friendship I’ve ever had. 

So yeah, jerking off to him isn’t the best idea, but it’s better than not having him in any way.

It feels good to get that off my chest. Thank for listening, Misha. And close your mouth. You’re catching flies.


End file.
